I can still remember watching the monitors while I was in labour. Because of my high risk pregnancy being both diabetic and having high blood pressure, I was hooked up to monitors for the entire time. My feelings went from excited, to scared, to worried as I saw Narra’s heart rate drop with every contraction.
After 3 days of intense induced labour, Narra was born through emergency c-section. I remember feeling relieved when she was born. All I knew was that I’d be HAPPY once she was with us. And I was. Until I realized that the nagging worry I felt during labour wasn’t going away.
I would look down at my beautiful, healthy daughter and worry something was wrong with her, that I wasn’t a good enough mother, that I wasn’t worth being her mom. I would feel bad that I didn’t want to be a mom anymore. That I didn’t want to be ANYTHING anymore. Postpartum depression and anxiety with intrusive thoughts. I did EVERYTHING to prevent it and it still happened. It took me 2 months to get help with medication because I was ashamed and scared. I didn’t want to tell anyone. And I didn’t.
It took me 10 months after Narra was born to take control of my postpartum anxiety and depression through exercise and nutrition, as well as reaching out for support and getting it from the Pacific Postpartum Society.
Having that OUTER strength gave me the INNER courage to stand up and be proud and “Facebook official” with my struggle. And I haven’t regretted it once. I’ve met new moms, befriended some amazing women and helped CHANGE LIVES. I now FEEL like the mom I have always wanted to be. I feel like I am everything and I can be ANYTHING.
It all started with my self-care. I now see the impact of taking care of oneself above all, even your child. You have more to give because you are FULL. It’s an amazing feeling. It’s a feeling I want every WOMAN to feel.
We’re In This Together is a photography series, coordinated in partnership with the Pacific Post Partum Support Society and the Good Mother Project, that offers messages of encouragement, hope, support and love to new parents.
For more information on how you can share your message, please visit: http://goodmotherproject.com/were-in-this-together