Maria and Pablo’s Journey
When Maria was struggling with postpartum depression, her relationship with Pablo suffered. But by finding support, and learning to take care of themselves and each other, their relationship is now stronger than ever.
When Maria was struggling with postpartum depression, her relationship with Pablo suffered.
Maria: Sometimes I really felt he was like thousands away and he was just right beside me, right? But now because of all the hard work we’ve done, both of us as, as a couple, now I, I know him better, I feel like he knows me better and, and that we, I think we now go straight to the poin, in many thing, in many situations.
Pablo: Yeah we were really far from each other like completely, mentally-wise, emotionally wise we were completely separated, almost like a divorce under the same roof. And the kids were the kind of like the glue to it, but again the kids were the culprit (laughs) of that so it was, was kind of mixed emotions there. Not with the kids of course. But, whenever you see your partner, it’s like there and like: why, why, why? Why is this happening?
And being able to be cool headed and just back off a little bit and, and she has the time to think about it and say: well, maybe it’s not such a big deal or things that used to bother her now are just normal, routine things. It really affected the relationship greatly, but now after all of these things and that we start knowing how to treat the other better, need also strength the relationship quite a bit.
Maria: And he’s been always there and he’s been willing to learn how to be with me through all this journey and for me that’s, that’s a lot. I think men tend to go away in conflict, to avoid a conflict. And I know he used to be like that and now I know he’s like: ok, if there’s a conflict here, better work on that and then, then everything’s going to be fine, Right?
Pablo and Maria learned how to take care of themselves and their relationship.
Pablo: Just give yourself some time and be patient like don’t, if you have solid past, don’t let this be broken, don’t let it be broken by this particular bad situation or bad year of two years, whatever the length is. So don’t, don’t blame your relationship to this year or whatever the lapse of the, of the depression is. There’s hope after it.
Maria: Allow yourself time, allow yourself, understand that taking care of yourself is not a luxury. I had that idea. And I learned that it’s a, it’s a necessity. You have to learn how to take care of yourself, you have allow yourself to do it. And you have to fight for that right because in the beginning for me it was hard for me to make him understand that I needed those breaks. That when he, when I started doing that and he saw how different I came back from two hour breaks or just an hour break of being on my own just window shopping or having a coffee with my friends, and he saw how different I was coming back home. Then he said: oh. I think he realized: Oh, this is working it’s not that she’s just trying to get away with something, she’s really needing this time for herself, so.
And hang in there and keep working and one day you will start to see the difference, one day.
Connecting with other mothers, both in a Spanish-language moms’ group and in Pacific Post Partum’s support group, was key to Maria’s recovery
Pablo: It’s a really good thing that there’s support, especially being out of your native country in which you are with other mums that are passing through the exact same stage so, that, that type of groups and that help: it’s really, a really good thing to have around. And things that we should be thankful for.
Like I really felt the changes when she started going. In the beginning she was kind of like rejecting it, more like: I’ll have to go and this was a step that I have to do. Almost like a kid taking a medicine. Like I don’t want to. But once she realized that it was good then, and like everything there is people that are in a better shape than you and people who are in a worse shape than you so that, that really helped her fit in not to be, not to felt like she was the lowest of the lowest. So, that, that kind of help is always appreciated