Allen: You can’t fix everything

Allen discusses how his urge to ‘fix’ a situation that could not be fixed led he and his wife feeling emotionally separated from one another.


I’ve always tried, you know, think that if she had a problem feeding our son then I would try to help but as a ‘fix-it’ type of solution. But it seemed to not work. So over the, you know, few months it just kept on going: ok I obviously can’t fix this problem and so if she’s got a, and she’s getting into this depression mode and this is: how can I fix it.

And it’s always been: problem – solution. And that’s how I was thinking. And so what, I think what happened is as she got more frustrated and more closed and, and more sort of focused on the baby, I think as, as the time went on she became more and more worried about the child, you know, whether he’s going to get SIDS or something’s going to happen or we’ve, you know. The beginning, you know, the doctor said he might have a jaundice, oh we were all worried about that and then, and then we tried, because he wasn’t sleeping well at night we tried different things and all the different sleeping solutions, and it never worked and he just kept on having a problem, problem sleeping so it just added that stress and pressure.

And for me I was trying to fix it, fix it, fix I, fix it. For her she’s just trying to Band-Aid and trying to, you know, live through it. And we try bottle feeding him but he wouldn’t take the bottle and just it, lot of problems. And, and I think we all, both of us, my wife and myself we sort of got into our shell and just sort of, lets say separated, you know, our, our, ourselves from each other.