Allen: Allow him to help
New mothers, especially those experiencing PPD/A, can sometimes be reluctant to let anyone else, including their partner, take care of their baby. Allen shares how allowing dad some time to care for the baby on his own can not only can provide a break for mom, but can be an important support for new fathers by allowing him the time and space to find his own strengths and make his own mistakes as a parent.
What I think would, would, would be nice is that if, if I offer, that. One big thing is that, you know, when, if, when I offer say, lets say I want to give you a, a, a day off. Well let me have that opportunity to do that, because I feel like, you know, at that, that’s my way of contributing. I can’t, I can’t breast feed, I can’t, you know, do the things and sometimes the baby does really want Mommy to comfort. But on the days that, you know, I, I can, I guess I felt like that I wasn’t validated as a father because I wasn’t allowed to sometimes take the baby for a, for a couple hours out because she’s worried that she, something may happen, I have to be there. Like she had to be there too.
But being able to do that, just is like a, a support. Saying that: yeah you’re, you’re, you can, you’re a good father, you can do it and, and if something happens so be it but we all make the mistake. Like say, lets say, you know, sometimes I, I forget something whatever but being allowed to make that mistake is, is like a support. Saying, saying: yeah I can do it.
That was one where, you know, I think was a big one. And I think it just, it was natural for, I think for both of us, not to, we didn’t, we didn’t go out actively seeking help and I think that’s also between me and her, like if, if I wanted to help her or she wanted to help me we would say: no I can do it.
I think that was, you know, I think that was a, we had to get over that hump, that we need help and if the father or the mother offers help let them do it.